হার

কাল বিকেলে বল্লাম হুমায়ুন বাদশা কে 
"বুঝলে হে নাসিরুদ্দিন মুহাম্মদ হুমায়ুন 
হেরে গেছি আমি!" 
বল্লাম, "তুমি তো জানো হার - 
দীর্ঘ পনের বছর অন্যের জগতে জীবন কাটানো 
সে যতই সুন্দর হোক সিন্ধ এর নদী ;
যতই মনোরম হোক চাঁদনী রাতের পারস্য
জাগায় তো সে কষ্ট আজও রাত? 
আজও গভীর রাত্রে দীর্ঘশ্বাস দুলিয়ে যায় পাতা? 
স্মৃতি কি তাড়া করে দুঃস্বপ্নের মতো? 
শের মহল থেকে দৌড়ে নামতে চেয়েছিলে 
তারই হাত থেকে বাঁচতে?"

বল্লাম, "মনে পড়ে কনৌজ? 
ঘরে ফেরার সেই অসীম চেষ্টা যখন ঘরও তোমার সাথে নিরুদ্দেশ !
সেই দেয়ালের ওপারে আটকে যাওয়া দীর্ঘ দেড় দশক 
সেই লম্বা প্রাচীর যা তোমার ঘরে ফেরা পিছিয়ে দিয়েছিল পনেরটা বছর
বোঝো তো তুমি?, নাসিরুদ্দিন মুহাম্মদ হুমায়ুন?
তাই তোমাকেই বলি হে বাদশা।......
ঠিক সেই রকম হেরে গেছি আমি!"

Thoughts in a box

Every night I neatly pack my thoughts in a box

I tie the contents, check the lock

Go back to the box, and check again.

I rattle the box to see if the contents are still there

You laugh at me...The mean(o) that is you!

You whisper, "O - C -  D!"

You know we can always have an argument on that!

I mean, really! Who is better at it?!

And every morning they start sneaking out of the box!

I don't know how

I promise I closed it well

You saw me doing it. Didn't you?

Please do not laugh at me now! 

It almost feels like these thoughts have a way 

of multiplying themselves, I tell you!

While I am away sleeping and as the sun touches them

They somehow start behaving like the active yeast 

that you use for your bread. 

You know, how they behave

when they come in touch with drops of molasses!

My thoughts behave much the same. 

I hope you are not sneaking in some of your yeast in my box,

From those cup-boards that remain closed in all your photographs!

I truly hope there is no secret tunnel that leads to my box

Because early in the morning these thoughts start pouring over!

I sit by the box and I take good care of them

I pick each one of them patiently and put back.

They amaze me with their sheer number! 

How can there be so many?

I counted and folded and packed them only last night

Give me a break! I tell them. 

But no such luck!

By the afternoon, I can not pick them up anymore

Tired, I just give up! I let them flow -  

They dance, sing and laugh all around me

They flow like that mountainous river.

Get me wobbly on my feet, catch me off balance - 

I am a play thing for them, you know!

But then, as the night darkens, 

They always fall asleep crying!
They howl for long at their own existence.

Every night. Without fail. On the floor. 

Exhausted!
I pick them up then. However tired I am 

I look at each one of them with much tenderness

Fold them neatly and put them in the box.

I check the lock twice. Thrice on some days...

You whisper, "O - C - D"!

I just smile at you. 

Knowing and then learning

There is a fundamental difference between knowing and learning
You knew it so well that he would arrive..
You could almost see him at your doorstep
You almost heard him knocking.
You learn that was not to be.
You learn he changed his mind!

There is a also a difference between
What you learn from what they say
And what you learn on your own. 
They say mothers are caring, giving, nurturing
They confer sainthood on every mother!
You learn mothers are normal human beings 
They can get selfish much like you and I.
They only learn, each day, to be a mother
For some, it takes a lifetime. 

There are somethings you learn early on

And others, take a lot of time.

You quickly get the point some time 

At others, you take years!

Some mistakes you make again and again
It seems you will never learn. 
You get angry and almost give up on yourself
You want to kick the proverbial "you know what"!

But such is our learning curve

Almost never linear.

And knowing is different than learning

For I always knew, if you climb uphill 

You have to climb down.

But the other day when we went climbing a hill
I found a plateau there. 
Exactly the same as that was there below the hill. 
I kept looking for a slope downhill. There was none.
It made me nervous
Will I never get back to the ground I left behind?
And the sky still seemed very far! 
This space in between, that was earth, but no earth
Sky and still no sky, left me puzzled for hours.
But you then learn you can go on 
Even when earth and sky both get far
You know, there is still a way to carry on.

And you know in your heart of heart
You don't need to worry even if you are just a muggle
Even if you have forgotten all your magic
You know, you can still somehow jostle, sneak, impel
And elbow that little place.....to breathe.  
You would do it. For you know, you can.