I need a river

I need a river now.
I need to sit by it and see it flowing silently.
It may not flow so silently, because
I need to look at those whirlpools
And to feel the calm surface,
The strong currents deep within
I need to meet a river, again.

I have almost never lived without a river. 
From Damodar, across Ajay to the great Ganges
Rivers followed me all through my childhood.

But when you told me,
My eyes tell you tales of a river
Many many years later,
I started wearing my specs all over again. 
Tightly this time. 
No one should see the rivers that I carry within. 

You insisted,
"There is a river in each person
Damodar in you and Zungki in me.
The Sun rises and sets in it. Everyday.

Much like in each one of us. 
At times the river looks completely barren, but then it fills up again.
At times it is as little as a tear drop
And then becomes the universe in itself.
I, the fisherman, find that river in you.
It is your river that I live by."
I looked away and pushed my specs tightly up my nose.
"I can not let the river flow", I mumbled.  

But I need that river now.
My river has dried and the sandy banks show..
But I need to find the flow somehow, deep within.
I need the river that flows silently
And you can cry by it.
I need to find a river that can laugh on my behalf 
(Till I find it in me).
I need to see a flowing river that tells me
"Come what may...life goes on!"
I need it to reiterate, 
"We are all universe upon ourselves
We carry everything we need in us.
We are complete throughout our journey to the sea.
We all roam boundless yet bound
meaningless, aimless, like a wanderer
But meaningfully and with a greater purpose!"

And several times in circles too!
Sad but true....

But for now....I need a river to sit by...
Till it starts flowing in me again...